32. Parachute Roulette

[00:00:00] Steve: So you eventually get called up and you're walking towards the plane. Tell me about the plane.

[00:00:05] Brad: It could only fit maybe two or three people in the back of it. It's basically just like a bunch of steel welded together, and I'm used to the bigger planes where there's crackers and they give you a drink and  you can have the exit row. [00:00:20] [00:00:40] [00:01:00]  

Early days

[00:01:01] Brad: I was born in country Victoria in Australia in a tiny town called Pyalong, which only had about 400 people when I was living there. So, very quaint rural outback, I guess you could call it.

[00:01:13] Steve: This is Brad guy as a youngster. He was imaginative, lively, [00:01:20] he had lots of energy, enthusiasm, passion. He was an excitable type of chap.

[00:01:25] Brad: Well I loved entertaining. Growing up in a small country town, you're very community oriented. Mum was president of the tennis club. Dad would run what we call 'blue light discos' which, if you grew up in country Australia, blue light discos were [00:01:40] amazing, they were the shit... We're always doing something for the town, doing something together as a family. So I think I was just colorful, flamboyant, pretty gay and somehow survived and blossomed to hopefully a decent person now.[00:02:00]

[00:02:01] Steve: So Brad, we're going to talk in a minute about a certain parachute jump. But tell me what life looked like just building up to that point.

Prior to parachute jump

[00:02:10] Brad: My life was just about to start. I'd always been so self-conscious about being gay and being really overweight in [00:02:20] high school, I felt really clumsy. I couldn't really find myself. So it wasn't until I left high school and finally came out of the closet and I had looked after my health a lot better that I felt like I was on the precipice of actually doing what I want to do in life and realizing my potential.

[00:02:37] Steve: So you're living in Melbourne, you've got a job in breakfast [00:02:40] radio, life's getting better and better. How did the opportunity for the parachute jump come about?

Skydive gift

[00:02:46] Brad: So I just turned 22. Except for my 21st birthday, I had been given a voucher, an extreme experience voucher, and then when my birthday was coming around again I still had the voucher just sitting on my desk. I was like, "I've got a bloody use this thing". [00:03:00] So I opted to do the most extreme thing, which was skydiving. I had chosen a place called Lilydale, which is the Yara Valley here in Victoria. And then I chose the last one of the day, the last jump of the day because I wanted to bring my whole family and we can go to the wineries, we can relax, we can chill, we can make a day of it, and then I can [00:03:20] do my jump at the end, happy ever after.

[00:03:22] Steve: How many came along in the end?

[00:03:24] Brad: So it's like, what, nearly 10 people, a full menagerie. And it's quite unusual for someone to go skydiving and bring their entire family, including their like infant nephews...but we just always do things as a family. So it was always a no-brainer [00:03:40] for us to actually just go together and make a day of it.

Weather

[00:03:42] Steve: What was the weather like?

[00:03:43] Brad: The weather was beautiful. The weather was so nice. It was the middle of winter as well, it was August. And in Melbourne in winter, it's very rare to get a nice clear day. And that's what made it such a nice day out for all of us. Just drinking at the winery beforehand. Not me, of course!

Preparation for the jump

[00:03:56] Steve: So after a very [00:04:00] pleasant day, you arrive at the airport. What happens then?

[00:04:04] Brad: It's all very smooth protocol. You have to go through all the safety procedures. There's a full run through, and it doesn't feel very thorough. I remember being really shocked. I'm like, these guys are so casual. It's like, "Yeah, put your knees up and if this happens, like strap and pull these". Like, okay, holy [00:04:20] shit, I'm trying to listen. But I felt like I took all the instruction on as much as I could, especially the things that they really drill into you, which was pretty much all about the landing.

[00:04:28] Steve: And what do they tell you about the landing?

[00:04:30] Brad: You're basically a passenger until you have to land. Because I was doing a tandem skydive, so I had an instructor who would be strapped to the back of me, and the main thing being keep your legs and knees [00:04:40] up because when you land, you're almost parallel to the ground and there's a lot of velocity. So if your legs are too far down, your toes are gonna clip to the ground and you're gonna face-plant and you can break a bone. And then they run through some examples. "Yep, we had a woman last week who broke a hip. Yep, someone broke... their knee, their patella, whatever it is". So they [00:05:00] run you through some of these like worst case scenarios.

[00:05:02] Steve: Not wanting a spoiler, but it was a bit prophetic, wasn't it?

[00:05:07] Brad: Yeah. It kind of made me nervous. I was really anxious inside with the whole buildup because it's just waiting and waiting and waiting. They'll give you the instructions, they'll give you a form to sign, then you get the... pants on and then you move to the airport, then you [00:05:20] move to the tarmac.

[00:05:21] Steve: You mentioned pants. What were you wearing?

[00:05:24] Brad: I Giggle at the clothes that I got put in. I had a pair of parachute pants that were bright blue and bright yellow... very Ikea energy. So it was... it was cute. It was nice.

[00:05:37] Steve: [00:05:40] So you eventually get called up and you're walking towards the plane. Tell me about the plane.

The plane

[00:05:46] Brad: It is really small. I was really surprised.  It could only fit maybe two or three people in the back of it. I'm pretty sure they didn't even turn the plane off. They kind of just landed and did a little reset, and then it was our time to get on. It's basically just [00:06:00] like a bunch of steel welded together, and I'm used to the bigger planes where there's crackers and they give you a drink and  you can have the exit row. But in the back of this plane, there's literally just a thin rubber mat on the ground and no seats.

Reaching 15,000 feet

[00:06:14] Steve: So you're up and [00:06:20] away and before you know it, you are at 15,000 feet. You've reached jumping altitude. What was happening then?

[00:06:28] Brad: The sound of the plane was deafening, so my instructor was shouting instructions in my ear for me to hear, which was basically just what we went through in the pre-jump protocol. I was [00:06:40] digging my heels into the bottom of the plane. I really didn't wan't to do it. I was terrified. The door of the plane opened and the wind coming through was powerful. It was just loud. It was like it was screaming at me. You can feel the weight of the wind hitting you like a [00:07:00] ton of bricks. And that's when my instructor got behind me, put his legs around my waist so we're kind of connected, and he starts inching me towards the edge of the door, and he's like, "You've gotta stop digging your heels in". I was like, "Ugh". It was terrifying to get closer and closer to that door, and then eventually to dangle my feet. He said, "Yep, [00:07:20] you gotta have your knees out at least". So I had to have my knees on the edge of the plane. I'm sitting on the edge, he's holding onto it, and my heart was beating a million miles a minute. Of course, I make some sort of homoerotic joke. I probably said something like, "Well, buy me a drink first if you're gonna edge me", or something stupid like that. My tandem instructor has a GoPro on his [00:07:40] wrists and he pointed it to me and in a joking sort of tone said, "Any last words?" And I said, "Yep, I hope my parachute opens".

[00:07:49] Steve: And then you jump or you're pushed. Tell me about that.

Jump

[00:07:57] Brad: So my tandem instructor says, [00:08:00] "Okay, on the count of three, we're going to go". And on each count, he pushed me a little bit closer to the edge, and literally on the count of three, we just fall forward. There's There's such velocity with the speed at which you're falling and [00:08:20] it is euphoric. It does feel amazing and it's very short-lived. I think for most skydives it's only maybe 9 or 10 seconds.

Tandem

[00:08:31] Steve: And of course, you're strapped to the instructor. Does that feel strange?

[00:08:35] Brad: You're basically almost strapped like you're spooning. It's kind of [00:08:40] like a fetal position. So we're like conjoined twins almost. So everything he was doing with straps and harnesses and ropes and connections, all of that, I could feel everything.

[00:08:51] Steve: So you've had the short-lived euphoria and then it's time to pull the parachute.

First parachute

[00:08:57] Brad: So after about 7, [00:09:00] 8, 9 seconds of free fall, I feel my tandem instructor pull for the parachute and I remember the instruction was when the parachute's pulled, you'll feel a thrust and you'll feel a lot of impact in your chest and your shoulders. So I was bracing myself for that [00:09:20] slowdown. So when I could hear the parachute being deployed, I didn't feel like we really slowed down. My first initial thought was, "Okay, there's a delay". Maybe this is what is normal. Didn't really have a lot of time to think or process my thoughts, but we definitely didn't slow down and I did feel a bit of panic. [00:09:40] It's like when you get on a rollercoaster, you're like, "Ooh, that felt a bit too real". I could feel my instructor flailing and there's a lot of arms going on behind me. And there felt like there was a bit of panic. It didn't feel like falling at that point. Felt like we were actually just like plummeting.

Second parachute

[00:09:56] Steve: [00:10:00] I am guessing any fun had suddenly gone out of the experience. But at least you knew about the reserve parachute.

[00:10:10] Brad: It was maybe a few short seconds later that I feel a bit more jostling going on but this time on the other side. I'm guessing that this is the second [00:10:20] parachute. So an emergency parachute gets deployed and we didn't slow down. So we are still free falling essentially. And all I can remember is just the wind whistling and the grunts coming from my instructor and all the movement of his arms, I'm feeling elbows on the side of my head, I'm getting hit left and [00:10:40] right. I'm getting thrown around with the wind. It is just chaos. And with the second parachute not being deployed correctly either, we just continued to fall.

Freefall

[00:10:50] Steve: So with no parachute to [00:11:00] slow you down, you're at terminal velocity. Something like 150 miles an hour.

[00:11:07] Brad: Yes. There was so much thrusting that a shoe actually came off. It was like being in a washing machine. It was just left, right, up, down. There was no natural movement. And that's when I really start to feel like I am [00:11:20] panicking. I could hear Bill, I became like cognizant of where I am, he's just yelling at me, "Keep your feet up. Keep your knees up". We're going so fast, we're free falling. And as he's yelling at me to keep my feet up, I said, "Are we going to die?" And he said, "I don't know", obviously screaming, not that [00:11:40] calmly. I fully had accepted death in that moment. I knew that we were in a bad situation, and I knew that what was gonna come on the other side of it was the end of my life. I had fully accepted it in that moment.

[00:11:54] Steve: Quite often we hear people in near-to-death moments say that their life flashed in front of their eyes [00:12:00] or that they experienced some really coherent thoughts. Did that happen to you?

[00:12:04] Brad: I remember even in the moment, feeling extremely guilty. I felt like I had brought my whole family there to watch me die. And it is really strange looking back, knowing that in that moment the most overwhelming emotion was [00:12:20] guilt.

[00:12:20] Steve: I am almost resisting asking you to relive the next moments because we know what's coming, don't we? But tell me what happened next.

Hitting the ground

[00:12:35] Brad: We hit the embankment of a lake on a golf course. [00:12:40] I'm pretty sure we ricocheted a little bit to actually eventually... land semi-submerged in this lake. I couldn't move any part of my body. I was in searing pain pretty much through my entire spine, down through to my fingertips. And it was like someone had ripped my spine out from [00:13:00] my skin. I felt like my body had disconnected. I felt like a pile of bones, basically. I remember being really, really cold and almost frozen 'cause we are in this lake, we're semi-submerged. And that's when I can hear Bill slightly breathing underneath me. So that's when I grab his hand with [00:13:20] my hand, I'm just shaking his hand. I'm like, "Bill, wake up, wake up, please wake up". And there's no response. I'm paralyzed and now I am laying on top of a dead person that I've essentially killed.

[00:13:33] Steve: Who was the first on the scene to help?

First responders

[00:13:36] Brad: There were these golfers that were on the golf course. There were three of [00:13:40] them that came over and they had seen what had happened, and I'm just sobbing. I'm like, "Help, help, help". I'm like, "I think he's dead", and I'm trying to hold Bill. And I'm like, "Wake up, wake up". And eventually he does come to, and he's just in agony. He's screaming in pain. Luckily the golfers were able to unlink us and separate us. [00:14:00] They just kept telling me to elevate my head for some reason. I couldn't breathe. I couldn't talk. I had no idea what had happened. I'd still been so disoriented at that point.

Hospital

[00:14:07] Steve: So eventually the ambulance arrived, your sister and Mum had caught up and they accompanied you to the hospital. Do you remember much at that time?

[00:14:17] Brad: All I remember hearing the doctor say is, [00:14:20] "Parachute accident, parachute accident." Eventually, my mum and dad come to see me after I've been injected with a shit-ton of morphine. So everyone's looking over me and they reassured me that everything was gonna be okay. Eventually a doctor comes over and was able to tell me what had actually happened. And I was like, "Shit, that is most [00:14:40] of my body." So I broke pretty much from my C3 to my T7, which is a lot of your spine for any medical people out there. I'm not a medical person, but I know that's a lot. It was a long, extensive list.

First night

[00:14:52] Steve: Do you remember much about that first night?

[00:14:55] Brad: I'm calling the nurse repeatedly saying, "Please knock me out. I need more [00:15:00] painkillers. I need sleeping pills. I just can't do this anymore". She's like, " We can't give you any more medication. You've had enough". Trying to go to sleep that night, it was impossible. Every single time I closed my eyes, I could feel myself falling like I've got vertigo, and I could hear the parachute, I could hear the wind, my palms would get sweaty as if I am there falling again.[00:15:20] So that first night was kind of the start of the arduous recovery to where I am now.

Immobilisation

[00:15:26] Steve: And then you've got to get through the first few days in hospital.

[00:15:30] Brad: You can't move and if you can't sit up in bed, you are just laying completely flat, which I did for four months of my life. For four months, I was in a neck brace and a back brace.[00:15:40] I needed assistance showering and eating. And Mum would even take me to the toilet, which she loves to remind me , it's like I was a baby again, basically. And. Getting transported back home after only four days in hospital. I was not prepared. I didn't want to go home. I felt like going home was the start of this [00:16:00] broken life that I didn't wanna live.

[00:16:01] Steve: Did you say you went home after four days?

[00:16:04] Brad: Yeah, hospital was super quick. I definitely felt a little rushed out. As soon as I could basically hobble from one thing to the other. That's when they said, "Okay, it's time to go".

[00:16:13] Steve: That seems almost heartless. But... back home, first up is to [00:16:20] address the physical rehabilitation, I guess?

[00:16:23] Brad: I had to learn how to walk again properly. I had to learn how to drive again properly. I had to learn how to go upstairs, everything. It's very hard to be motivated when you can't walk. You get very easily frustrated with yourself, and it is so much hard work to have to reset [00:16:40] your entire body, from zero.

Mental rehabilitation

[00:16:42] Steve: And it wasn't just physical, was it? You also had to confront the mental rehabilitation.

[00:16:49] Brad: About five or six weeks later, after being home and now in the pattern of being in the neck brace and back brace, laying down, not leaving my room, everything going terrible, I'd booked in to see a therapist[00:17:00] and I just unloaded. It was just tears streaming down my face. It was really clear that I was becoming a monster. I was a wreck. I would not leave my bedroom. I was staying up all hours of the evening or like being asleep all day. I would yell at my parents. I didn't want any visitors. There were so [00:17:20] many nights, night after night, where I'd have a nightmare, a full night terror, and I'd wake up screaming. I'd wake up yelling. I'd thrown pillows, I'd rip posters off the wall. I didn't want to be alive anymore. But it was literally my family that continually supported me and looked after me, even though I felt like I was this broken, [00:17:40] destroyed, traumatized mess.

Diagnosis

[00:17:43] Steve: And what was the eventual diagnosis?

[00:17:46] Brad: I was diagnosed with depression and also PTSD. And then I was diagnosed with a sleep disorder, called Nightmare Disorder, which doesn't even sound real. I didn't even know it was a thing. That's something that I still deal with in my [00:18:00] current life 10 years later. So the recovery while physical was so intense and painful, mentally was probably the tougher battle because I was a prisoner of my own mind in zero control of how I reacted to the world around me.

New Brad

[00:18:16] Steve: And then there was a tipping point after that four-month [00:18:20] period towards real recovery, wasn't there? Tell me about that.

[00:18:24] Brad: During the worst of my recovery period, during that four months, I had contemplated ending my life. I just didn't really see a way out. But that was a turning point for me. I weirdly accepted the death of the [00:18:40] old Brad. Brad before the accident doesn't exist anymore. His memory lives on. He was a good guy, but he's no longer.

[00:18:49] Steve: And then what followed was that more positive drive towards new Brad's new life. Learning to walk again, one step at a time. [00:19:00] After seven months, he was able to walk to the end of the drive. Then a little while later, he could walk up to a couple of kilometers to his sister's house, then learning to drive again, always little by little. And then after about a year, he was working again as a breakfast radio announcer. [00:19:20] And that brings us up to present day.

Today

[00:19:22] Brad: I've been able to travel the world as a videographer. I've MC'd events, I've hosted events, I've done public speaking. I, I want more. I'm not done yet. And most recently, I've been able to put all of this into a book. And now I'm going to be a published author talking about my skydive, talking about my mental [00:19:40] health journey, talking about being an advocate, talking about survival. And it's been so cathartic.

Book

[00:19:46] Steve: What's the name of the book Brad?

[00:19:48] Brad: The book is called Free Fall, so you can go to BradGuy.com. If you would like to read it, it would mean a lot to me... it is literal blood, sweat, and tears. The healing that I've gotten from actually writing everything [00:20:00] down and truly closing a chapter combined with the positive impact I hope that it has on people to inspire them to live their life fully after trauma, that's the gift for me. That's what I actually want.

Reflection

[00:20:12] Steve: Fantastic, and congratulations on the book. I just wanted to rewind and reflect a little on [00:20:20] the fact that you actually survived the fall. To my eternal shame many years ago, my six-month old daughter, as she was at the time, rolled off my desk onto the floor. Don't ask how, and she bounced. But we don't bounce when we're older, do we?

[00:20:37] Brad: No, we don't bounce. We break.

[00:20:39] Steve: [00:20:40] So how do you explain the fact that you survived?

[00:20:43] Brad: Everything that had to go wrong or right in order for the outcome that happened to happen... happened. I think how we landed, how we were probably manoeuvered closer to somewhere like water... and didn't quite get there. Maybe the wind on a particular day.[00:21:00] I guess it's a miracle, but I also don't wan't to walk around life being like, "I'm a big shot, I'm a miracle". I think what is right is I survived, I was given this crazy second chance at life, now I've gotta make the most of it.

Turnback the clock

[00:21:13] Steve: Yep, love it. Incidentally, if you want to know what happened to Brad's instructor and what caused the [00:21:20] accident in the first place, check out the show notes at BattingtheBreeze.com. So Brad, An extraordinary 10 year journey seems to be working out. I've gotta ask if you could turn back the clock?

[00:21:34] Brad: I wouldn't change anything. I'm not really a regret sort of person. So I can accept [00:21:40] all the bad stuff while also acknowledging that it has given me so much wisdom, so much strength. Gratitude is my key to happiness and I am so grateful to be alive. I need to remind myself that I did the thing, I survived. [00:22:00] Anyone can do it. You've just got to put your mind to it.

 [00:22:20] [00:22:40]

TRANSCRIPT EXTRA - 1

What happened to Brad’s instructor?

So the instructor, I believe that he went back to skydiving a couple of years later. Yeah, he was a very experienced skydiver, had done thousands of jumps, and was very well known. He's probably a bit more private than me with talking about him, that's for sure. It's kind of strange that you know, for me, it was this life-altering terror, and for him, it's probably another day at work, but that's not to take away from how he feels about it.

He had a lot of intense injuries. A lot of his injuries were lower body, so I believe he broke both his legs and broke his pelvis. We did actually catch up, which I'll keep most of that off the record because he would rather be private.

And I reached out only a few months ago, nine years later. And we had a very candid chat. A lot of people do ask about him. I don't really talk too openly ‘cause that's his life and his reaction to it. But I do know that it would've impacted him greatly. But meeting him again, it definitely felt like a chapter was closing.

I got a lot of closure out of it. I got a lot of new information. It was amazing to get that extra perspective, but I think he's doing great. He's living his life.  and he's very successful and I genuinely wish him all the best.

Meeting him again, was really overwhelming. I was hysterically sobbing on the way home and I cry a lot, but still I cry after that moment… was still pretty special. But he actually saved us. The way he was manoeuvring us as we were falling is what helped us survive. A lot of things had to go in our favour, of course, but he was trying to land us near that lake, near that golf course.

So he had that intention in the moment and I didn't, I didn't know that. So it's so bizarre. It's like an out-of-body experience to get new information about something that you've thought about so deeply for nine years of your life. So I owe him a lot, and I wish him all the best.

TRANSCRIPT EXTRA - 2

Why did both parachutes fail?

Yeah. it was just a packing failure. I don't have the exact technical specifics, but I believe the first parachute wasn't packed correctly, and maybe that interferes with the second parachute. Yeah. It was literally just a packing error, but had devastating results. The funny thing is people from the skydive community love to tell me stories. They say how common it is. When I met the TM instructor he said, “Yeah, a couple weeks ago on the Gold Coast, this woman, broke both her legs similar to you because the parachute wasn't packed right”.